Phyco: “Exclusive to The Independent Porn Review this week… Casper & Phyco’s “If I HAD to Fuck a Bloke” award goes to -“
Casper: “Hang on… the what?”
Phyco: “the “If I HAD to Fuck a Bloke” award”
Casper: “I didn’t think of that”
Phyco: “I know… I did, it’s new”
Casper: “okay… so it’s just Phyco’s… “If I HAD to Fuck a Bloke” award then… isn’t it?”
Phyco: “..uuuckin’ hell - easy sunshine!! Getting a bit fucking sens’ in your old age aren’t we?!”
Casper: “Well who is he then??”
Phyco: “Who?”
Casper: “The bloke you want to fuck?”
Phyco: “No. I don’t want to… look forget it man. It’s over.”
Casper: “Well who was it gonna be?”
Phyco: “Ray Winstone”
Casper: “Not again?! Why??”
Phyco: “Scum”
Casper: “But we’ve celebrated that hundreds of times… if not thousands… get a grip boy.”
Slap on the back of the head
VIDEO
Lubed 4 - Double Plugged [Prime Time]
90 Minutes-ish? Starring 3 birds
Phyco:
“Phew! For a minute there I lost myself… Just out of a tight corner I formally reject the phallocentricity of my regular persuances and keep it … Just G… No B… G… there’ll be no cock around here thank you…”
“SOLO GIGS RULE! Mark my words on the toilet wall this is where it’s at. This final scene in the kitchen is a TEN out of seven bogrolls kids - an absolutely fucking scorcher of a routine. One for the bare-footers and sure footedly rear shooters she’s playing with a full deck: Triple Aces High the 3 A’s are in town… Oral… Anal… Aural bonanza it’s a gung slinging hankering of slap flick that’ll pay dividends on output every time. Big time toe close-ups, an intact audio channel and heavy-edit free girly banjo skits make it a potent flagship for perfect porn; Just a girl, a big bottle of yupa-lube and a rude bluey on for the digi-cam. Essentially: the future for visually assisted palm-foolery this is - it’s “the virtual sex pot”, and via DVD technology we’re going to get interactive and - well I see the future of the medium… we been talking about all this shit on the Bravo 3001 thing - “where’s porn going” and “whatever next” etc. It’s Back to Basis… savvies. It’s a mirroring thing!”
“Picture the widescreen snapshot: telly in the background - out of focus… remote control in the foreground thumb squeezing out the fast-forward… toes curling to the east and west… and the old Pant Santa standing there with his hat off. The logical visual extension being the reflected sexual complicity in evidence through the TV screen. Cracking good stuff. One off the spankin’ andle scripted by J.G.Ballard, performed by Sooty… Motoring! If it don’t scramble your egg white on the first run I’ll personally refund your money. Now was that English that accent?? Torturous ambiguity…”
Casper:
“Yeah keep taking your pills son… I’m on mags-only rule for Christmas.”
THANKYOU to The SOHO ORIGINAL BOOKSHOP, LONDON for this smarting gem. Twenty quid all in, and worth every stinking penny.
C&P - Tapping the Sauce for British Bacon. And eggs.
Oh and PS… it’s “Tammy” you want to look out for in Lubed 4… a shining star