90 Minutes by John Stagliano, Rocco Siffredi etc. with motorsports at the end
Phyco:
He must be the most bootlegged brand in Britain… falling thoroughly foul of the Pirates Casper tracked this little Buttmun nougat down to a private lock-up in Milton Keynes where he was… getting the rock in… and the dude with the test tubes bunged him the tape “that a mate had leant to him the other day”… the old chestnut… up… no down where we belong…
[Casper gets back to the office]
Phyco [pouncing]: “Casper - you never do the washing up!”
Casper: “Fuck off mate I washed up the last lot!”
Phyco: “I’m talking about the dishes Casper”
Casper: “Well stop thinking about the dishes and get your soft head ‘round that…”
[He throws Phyco the pirate cassette with “The Boomshanking Minty Biglicks” written on in biro]
Phyco [excited]: “Where’d you get this? What is it? Do you know? Did they say?”
Casper: “‘Ankles threw it in as an extra… recommended it on ice”
He’s a boy old Buttman aye?! A right fucking boy… we are big fans of this man I can tell you - the most reliably sound sex on the shelf without a shadow. Well sorted for sodomy, this range of round the world missions for the Bum lover stops off at every major porn capital on the planet devouring the local balloon-knot and splashing the mash at every wink of the wormhole…
It’s Budapest we’re at for this back door rumbler… and it’s all in there - the original Stagliano formula that we’ve come to love and respect:
…Follow the fit bird in the street - ubergonzo vibe - shy little approaches from John… “Ooo’s” and “Ahhh’s” a la Dover… only American…
…a bit of a bum-squeeze - a tit twist and a bonnet prodding… plenty of macro shot through-skirt textures [a real trademark shot of Stagliano’s - very cool] and close up awkward flirting rituals… very shaky… subtly rude…
And then BAM! Siffredi swaggers along and steams straight into an alfresco danger-fuck… in the car park… in the wood… at a picnic spot - all very in-the-moment full-on out-of-nowhere… so it’s back to the hotel and BOSH!… into the royal rocket’s revelation as the Italian wood-par-excellence exits Roc’s jock strap and then the usual run of porn stuff before the inevitable spit-and-spank sweaty fudging leads to concluding facial… and I will say that Siffredi hasn’t got the best pop on the block but then it just goes to show you can’t have everything…
A great format with so much character - you really get the feeling that you know the players in Buttman movies… fantastic stuff for psychotic obsessives…
Choice Hungarian choc-hockey then from king cock Rocco and his band of merry mud-chuckers as they get a showing around by the strumpets of Budapest with God-of-pornography John in the directors socks…
Casper:
Well, well, well… been away on some very… important business… left with a spring in my step after the tearful reunion with the mighty Ben Dover… and returned with a limp to find a selection of Hustler tat on my desk!
I THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING SOMEWHERE FIKO!!
I thought we’d done the hardbody shite… I thought we were returning to our roots with open arms, I thought we were the prodigal porn children… I THOUGHT LESS WAS MORE!
Same rules readers - if you want fit birds getting it up the “Octane” then Hustler’s for you.
If you want to see the birds from the glossy mags getting it on film - then it’s for you and if you want to see “sudo-submissive” asian teens pretending they are terrified at the mere sight of a penis then Lazzer’s yer man… but me personally… I WANT CELLULITE!
ENTER THE MIGHTY STAGLIANO! ALL HAIL THE STAGMUN!
What a pleasant alternative to the big budget nonsense! All the usual suspects… coy women who turn out to be incredibly rude and up for some serious no-holds barred action: We’ve got Rocco making his usual Herculean effort and some other woodsmen of great skill and confidence…
Like all Buttman movies, the components gel to create a film that is seamless in terms of professional delivery and exciting action. Only point of critism being - it verges on the gaenacological in areas, but this aside, a triumphant example of what we’re meant to be looking for even if Phyco is hungup on giggling little geisher girls getting it up the ricker.
Bring on the grit, bring on the gonzo… and let’s have another Casper season…
Casper:
“What’s cinema verite?”
Phyco:
“Did you watch it Casper?”
Casper:
“Only once… for work”