INT.HOUSE.DAY
CASPER and PHYCO are on the sofa… PHYCO is being very sincere… CASPER is listening… it’s a touching moment…
PHYCO: “The thing is… I’ve watched nothing else… I can’t get off it… I feel… like I’m fucking addicted… i mean… I dunno what to do… you know?”
CASPER puts his hand on PHYCO’s knee… PHYCO looks comforted…
CASPER: “Phyco?”
PHYCO: “Yes?”
CASPER: “It’s fucking SHIT son… you’re a wanker…”
CASPER palms-off PHYCO’s face and moves out of shot
PHYCO [recovering]: “Eh?”
CASPER OOS: “WIVES… we want OLD… BRITISH… WIVES… not these… these…”
VIDEO
Bring ‘um Young #3 [Anabolic Video]
XX Minutes Starring Aurora Snow, Paige Lasalle, Scotti Andrews, Blazer, Elizabeth Terlato, Stephanie Athena, lexington Steele, Bobby Vitale, Mickey G, Erik Everhard, Roland, Jon Dough
Bring ‘um Young #4 [Anabolic Video]
XX Minutes Starring Monica Sweetheart, Brittany Blue, Princess, Foxy Lady, Candy, Cashmere, mark Davis, Mario, Vince Vouyer, Bobby Vitale, Erik Everhard, Jon Dough
Phyco:
Filthy… nut cracking stinking filth… what an achievement! J’arrive!
A large ‘ankyou to the K at HarmonyXXX who passed these delights over… they’ve got an online superstore over there that’s serving up everything you could ever dream of ref. this type of poke… all the Anabolic, Diabolic, Evil Empire, Hustler, Private etc. grub stuff you can lay your hands on at the touch of a button(s)… buy ‘em online…
…you’ll be seeing more of the Harmony brand around here as their products land on our shelf…
But back to the whack-track… where today’s pair of rascals prove yet again that Anabolic know the fucking score when it comes to producing hard porn for hard bitch-slapping bastards… A to the MF-M dudes… A to the Mother Fucking M… etc.
My reasons for bringing these cheeky monkeys up onto the C&P stage were 2 fold… One… I’m always as keen as dijon to get back on the Anabolic tip - convinced of their omnipotence - I just can’t plug them enough… and… Two… I thought that the whole “young girls” theme was apt, given Englands current resurgence of national pride and optimism [a thrilling war on Terryism, no terrorist retaliations yet, the Golden Jubilee, Tyson’s KO, World Cup Football, spiky haircuts etc.] and it’s shameless dedication to the patron-Saint-of-late “Georgie Porgie” sex pest… the number-one favourite newspaper-selling telly-rating-winning nonce…
And, as this line from the big “A” boasts nothing but teenagers guaranteed, I thought… go on - give the public what the public wants and go for the pigtail pull…
Something for the gentlemen who prefers veal then… but it’s not such shocking stuff… I mean - if you take a look at those “Barely Legal” mag’s in the scud shop… now that’s risky business … almost borderline - y’know? - too damn rude by a half… but this range of R18 doesn’t so much dwell on the aesthetic of the overtly sexually immature as an attempt to cater to any antisocial deviance, rather it just goes to show how fucking rude the new-girls of US mainstream porno are these days! As is often the case with Anabolic titles - the *speciality* angle isn’t over-played and so to pick up any of their output will reliably result in this type of thang: peach pretty young fuck-pigs going full-blown arse-to-mouth out-there to out-rude the competition as the goalposts gets nudged further into the deep blue… gritty stuff… nothing too challenging - just back-to-back ballswax…
You get more for your money with an Anabolic - girls being sodomised wise… It always seems to be the last scene that holds the heart… no exceptions here… nice out-takes to finish…
I fucking love Anabolic porno’s!
Casper:
Give it a rest son!
Fuckin’ell… from down here you sound like you work for ‘em!
I’m sure I’ve said this before… but these girls could do this stuff in their sleep!
I only need to see the slightest hesitation and I’m through… and there’s not going to be much of that where these birds are concerned… far too well practised…
Now take that UK Girls anal scene… [Phyco: “See the archive for the last “Casper Special”… UK Girls “Housewives Gang” by Strand Productions]… she looks like she’s struggling in there alright… and that’s what I’m looking for… the details…
Having said that… the first girl up on #4 shows all the signs of never having sat an A level before… the vacant stare… the overwhelming self doubt… the repressed flinches… aaahhh the sweet smell of distress!
You can call it wrong - but i need it to be right… so fuck you Phyco and your “teen” shit… bring my Faith back… the old ones really know how to grimace…
MORE FREE WITH THIS EPISODE
INT.HOUSE.DAY
CASPER & PHYCO are half-dressed into suits
CASPER: “I am wearing the fucking gun… alright?!”
PHYCO: “You always fuckin…” [sulk]
CASPER: “You can carry the spliff…” [passing big joint and then strapping on - and posing with - large black replica firearm]
PHYCO: [puffing] “…right… so we’re gonna do an “action” introduction bit… like the old Golden Age of Porno storyline things - y’know… “Boogie Nights”… a sort of James Bondy… The saint running over a rooftop… Knight Ridery kinda… [to CAMERA] okay??”
Awkward pauses all round… camera glances… pause…
PHYCO: “Go on then!”
CASPER: “What?!”
PHYCO: “Well.. c’mon…” [weak Kung Fu moves… DANAH! etc.]
CASPER: “Are you taking the fucking piss?! [to camera] Is he…?”
PHYCO: “Casper?!”
CASPER suddenly draws and fires 6 shots at close range to PHYCO’s face in a very Joe Pesci style - PHYCO takes the cue instantly and dramatically effects being shot and falls dead… pause… peeks… camera?… gets up…
PHYCO [Very serious - to CAMERA]: “You get that?”
CAMERA: “um… yeah…”
CASPER [replaces gun]: “so… where’s the birds then?”
PHYCO [jacket]: “C’mon… we’re late…”
EXT.MASSAGE PARLOUR.DAY
The honk and roar of traffic - CASPER and PHYCO are outside the north London massage parlour debating their entrance - dirty black suits
…in they go… PHYCO first…
The following footage is captured on the CCTV situated in the top-corner of the poorly furnished main room
INT.MASSAGE PARLOUR CCTV.DAY
PHYCO is haggling energetically with the Madam while CASPER leans back against the door… PHYCO is pointing to a girl on the bench who’s getting up… he gesticulates wildly to CASPER who remains inert… the girls are becoming animated… PHYCO is communicating wildly with the whole room… CASPER is complacent - he’s playing with his phone… PHYCO is being led out of the room by a girl… PHYCO’s still firing orders into the main room… another girl leads CASPER after him… both have left the room… the door closes… the remaining girls settle…
pause…
CASPER and PHYCO explode back through the door they have just been led through and bundle violently through the reception to the main entrance… the girls are scattered by the disruption…
Back to the main camera
EXT.MASSAGE PARLOUR.DAY
The honk and roar of traffic - CASPER and PHYCO explode onto the street laughing hysterically - they collapse in a heap… a clumsy sprint away… the Madam comes to the door and looks up the road after them - tutting…
Casper and fucking Phyco 2002 - off the hook since 1990
Later…
PHYCO: “You see old Vince Voyeur… his cocks… a… two tone cock… y’seen that?”
CASPER: “Yeah… i’m not a big fan of his cock to be honest… I mean - I know it’s a two tone but y’know… Oh… no hang on… i’m thinking of another penis…”
PHYCO: “Well who’s penis are you thinking of?”
CASPER: “…pointy sort of… angled cock… I think i’m thinking of Dover…”
PHYCO: “The lizard”
CASPER: “It’s not that its lizardy… it’s… I’d spot Dover’s penis in a line up of thousands… yeah but the thing is with fucking “Vince” is… and you can tell him this… I think he’s a fucking pussy… yeah… him and his mates… fucking… pussies… pretending to “initiate” the girls into his little “club”… they’d… have him for fucking breakfast I tell ya…
…whereas… Kriss News… now that’s a woodsman… umm… I’d like to see him… and Ginger Lynn do a scene… ‘cos she likes givin’ it the large one, while he just likes giving it to ‘em… eerrrmmm….
…I mean… “Vince”… it says it all really dunnit… fucking “Vince”… I tell ya… you get him round here…” etc. etc.