105 Minutes Starring Kelly Trump, Anna-Maria, Denise, Anita, Diana, Susi, Ebina, Jors, Horst S, Titus Steel, Jens, Ricky Balboa, Manuel and Jacusa
Phyco:
… assuming that you too have sought to mute the perishing winds of this rain-drenched English March by chasing crumbled hash through an old crack-pipe - then you’ll be well disposed to get your laughing gear around this euro-core chestnut from the land of the Oompah!
Now usually… this would get a right royal slating: the Hun throws over a mildly eccentric storyline-driven whipping pic - in native germanic tongue - and we, donned in our finest pressed whites, bat it straight back for a splendid Six! muttering things in a damn-busters accent about “towels-on-sunbeds” and “sinister bathroom fittings” before congratulating ourselves liberally on the gallant return and having a nice pot of tea… but on this bold occasion - we find ourselves positively embracing the mockish sincerity of this sour-kraut contribution to the slag patch with this thoroughly playable celebration of trucking fuckery that’ll do no damage at all if dropped on top of St Pauls Cathedral from a big green aeroplane at 3am in the morning…
What went right?! Well - for a start there’s a smashing alfresco nobbing plot featuring… um… Kelly Trump? Not sure - but anyway - getting buffed on top of an old Chrysler parked up behind the roadside picnic spot… some very in-the-moment vibes coming off the choreography… good solid barefoot [check out that nice big cover shot up there - she’s up top] with an eye closing facial that boasts some curiously endearing splat banter: these Jerries are actually very agreeable!
Thoroughly tongue in cheek “carry on up the exhaust pipe” frivolity then - that makes up for the whole foreign-language downer thing… it almost doesn’t matter… turn the sound off… and just look at some of those porn-names in those credits - the laughs just keep coming… watching this export with such enthusiasm reminds one of the famous Christmas Day footy match between the trenches… an unprecedented union of nations - we’ll be talking to French people next!
100% German Hardcore… it’s quite nostalgic really - I mean - I remember when it was all German porn on old nth generation cassettes… “almost like they’d won”… So if for old times sake you like a bit of euro-trash flavour to your sauce - and are additionally excited by automobilia and related themes - then this’ll do nicely… thanks as per to Hot Rod for this preview…
Lock up your grandparents - Casper’s gone awol after we had another bare knuckle over whether or not this web site is a portal… but then against all odds - delivered to the C&P garden fresh this very morning by our old one-footed delivery pigeon - scrawled in biro across a length of folded toilet paper which was sellotaped so tightly around its shin it caused terrible problems in having to remove it with a scalpel after an 11-cans-of-Mackeson breakfast…
Casper:
We have trucks we have fun we have Germans in the sun…
This puts a spring in my step and a tune in my whistle. A little light relief from the dark catacombs of Phyco’s mind. It was always the German channel on Sky when we were kids if you wanted a sly beat of the Bratwerster. They’ve been doing it for years, they’re comfortable with it and they make it seem almost wholesome.
You’ve got all the regular rudies just with a good positive attitude!
Fuck off Vincey, givin’ it the large one! These people love it - it’s bloody natural…
Lets face it, what they lack in humour, they more than make up for in light adult entertainment.
Oh yeah and I really liked that fat bird… I just wished she’d been sitting for her A Level!
FREE WITH THIS ISSUE!
“At Home with Ben Dover”
Episode 1
“In the Kitchen”
Ben Dover [in a whisper, nudging food about on a plate with his finger]: “Ooooo look at that lovely bit of bacon there… phwoooar… ooo look that lovely little bit of sausage… that’s lovely that is look… ooo and look at that nice pair of fried eggs there… ooo! lovely little bit of beans there… phwoooer… and some toast - look at that there look… oh god! look at that look a nice bit of mushroom in there as well… ooo yeah… cor…. and ooo look a lovely bit of grilled tomato there look… oh… god!” etc etc.