January 2010
73 posts
“All the old review transcripts from Casper and Phyco at the Porn Review in...”
– Casper & Phyco @ “The Porn Review”: The Original and The Best
THE FINAL EPISODE
INT.IPR OFFICE.DAY Phyco has cleaned up since his beating, but the facial wounds are still apparent and his suit is still filthy and stained with blood… PHYCO: “Right… let’s get some of this backlog cleared Casper… we needed to compromise, and you get Dogging… we keep reviewing… okay?” CASPER: “Dogging comes first though.” PHYCO:...
ANAL OFFICE COCK-UP [RELISH]
EXT. CAR PARK. NIGHT Casper & Phyco usher the camera over to a large bush. On the other side of which we see the headlights from a car. PHYCO [in a whisper]: “Over here… quick…” Casper’s peering through a gap in the branches… CAMERA P.O.V: Through the hedge we see that the car is shaking - a couple are having sex. Casper & Phyco are huddled around...
Episode 59: The death of the IPR as we know it...
Phyco: “What have we been up to punters?? No updates to speak of since chrismas?! Well it’s not easy doing what we do y’know… and these last coupla months have proved a real test of our mettle…” Casper: “Tell them about your problems son… go on…” Phyco: “I’m not the one with the problem mate… you’re the one that...
Lubed 4 - Double Plugged [Prime Time]
Phyco: “Exclusive to The Independent Porn Review this week… Casper & Phyco’s “If I HAD to Fuck a Bloke” award goes to -“ Casper: “Hang on… the what?” Phyco: “the “If I HAD to Fuck a Bloke” award” Casper: “I didn’t think of that” Phyco: “I know… I did, it’s new” Casper:...
OFFICIAL NOTICE
OFFICIAL NOTICE Phyco’s got the horrors… the porn-fear… the screaming ab-dabs. The punishing workload… the endless flicker of sodomy, spunk and pumping sex-organs… a relentless slurry of fluids, the infinite stream of boys and girls who get hardcore for the cameras. Set fast in the recovery position…his belly rattling with anti-phycotics… bed-ridden. ...
Casper & Phyco Interviews & TV Slots... →
Popshots [Diabolic]
SPECIAL LIMITED EDITION COLLECTORS SCRIPT Fade in Title: The Independent Porn Review Audio Fade to black Fade in At the desk in presenters mode - Casper reads a porn mag Phyco: “Hello… we are Casper… and Phyco at The Independent Porn Review… it is our mission to trawl in earnest - selflessly sampling all the pornography currently available in the UK the better that YOU...
Hardcore Innocence #3 [Elegant Angel]
Casper & Phyco are being interviewed by telephone for a London newspaper. C&P are both squeezed up to the same handset… Interviewer: “Okay! Casper and Psycho!” Phyco: “Ummm… it’s PHYCO… not Psycho… everybody says that… it’s P-H-Y-C-O… Phyco…” Interviewer: “Oh… errr… Okay! Casper and Phyca,...
Buttman in Budapest Bootleg [Evil Angel/E180]
90 Minutes by John Stagliano, Rocco Siffredi etc. with motorsports at the end
Phyco:
He must be the most bootlegged brand in Britain… falling thoroughly foul of the Pirates Casper tracked this little Buttmun nougat down to a private lock-up in Milton Keynes where he was… getting the rock in… and the dude with the test tubes bunged him the tape “that a mate had leant to...
A Hand-Hamper of Harmony Hustler
A Hand-Hamper of Harmony Hustler
Hustler’s Asian Fever 1 - We love you long time Hustler’s Barely Legal 15 - Teen angels do devilish things Hustler XXX Video - Edition 8 - 100% Woodman High Octane No. 2 - Dangerous Dolls with a License to Thrill Hustler’s Young Sluts Inc #2 - Business is Banging
Phyco:
What a strapping stack! A pretty little pile’o palm food courtesy...
The Ben Dover 3's Up Special! [Route XX]
British Housewives Fantasies #2 - 140 Minutes Starring Lucia, Louise, Avril, Mandi, Lisa and Natasha
Ben Dover’s Puttin’ on the Brits - 140 Minutes Starring Donna, Tracey, Penny, Sharon and Tracy
Ben Dover’s Naughty British Babes - 140 Minutes Starring Cherie, Toni, Cathy, Hannah and Bev
Phyco:
Home sweet fuckin’ home!!!
These 3 champs came courtesy of Sausage...
Pretty Little Asians Vol. 1 [Hot Rod/Route XX...
Keep your eyes peeled for the Bravo channel’s new series “3001: A Sex Odyssey”… Casper & Phyco opened up the Independent Porn Review office for the cameras. We told it like it is… Reap it.
And remember - if you’re a television production company researcher looking for a self-elected authority to spout opinionated rhetoric in between light-hearted looks at...
Peter North's North Pole #18 [Hot Rod Raw]
87 Minutes Starring Barbie Belle, Taylor St.Clair, Bolivia Samsonite, Kristina Black, Claudia Atkins, Pat Myne, John Decker, Lee Stone, Dillion Day and Peter North
Phyco:
Produced by… Directed by.. and Starring by… Ladies and Gentlemen…
…it’s the legendary Peter North:
Peter North:
“When I did my first movie it was… going like six feet, and about 10...
Our porn... on your PC! →
Debauchery #10 [Diabolic Video]
90ish Minutes Starring Angelica Bright, Gina Blonde, Elizabeth Mercedes, Susy, Mercedes N., Robert Rosenberg, Franco Roccaforte and Jean-Pierre Armand.
Phyco:
Just when I thought it was safe to put my trousers back on…
You’ll surely have heard already my endless and inexhaustible enthusiasms for the old “Anabolic” strain of rough-house gruff… and here it is again...
Bring 'um Young [Anabolic Video]
INT.HOUSE.DAY CASPER and PHYCO are on the sofa… PHYCO is being very sincere… CASPER is listening… it’s a touching moment…
PHYCO: “The thing is… I’ve watched nothing else… I can’t get off it… I feel… like I’m fucking addicted… i mean… I dunno what to do… you know?”
CASPER puts his hand on...
Razzle [Paul Raymond Publications]
7 Minutes Starring all the very best of British girls
Phyco:
We’ve been meaning to do this for ages… just a quickie… to let you know - in case you didn’t already… a friendly point in the right direction…
Faced with the daunting range of topshelf softcore on offer in any of the UK’s many newsagents - we have found that - speciality purchasing aside -...
Gia Darling's Transsexual Heart Breakers 2 [Hot...
Thank god for the heaven-sent Hot Rod Productions who have kindly supplied a mammoth hamper of wrist buscuits with which to continue the noble SEARCH for the ultimate in UK available knocking-pop… always a pleasure to do business with, the Hot Rod Prod’s are consistently delivering the highest quality chuff Britain could possibly ask for… we wouldn’t be here without...
The Realm of the Senses - Ai No Corrida [Argos...
98 Minutes Starring Tatsuya Fuji, Elko Matsuda
Casper [at the door]:
“What are you watching in there?!”
Phyco:
“Um!… I’m watching… something…”
Casper [suspiciously]:
“Well what the fuck is it?!”
Phyco [in a whisper - to the camera - like David Attenborough]:
…just one pound sterling - for a two day loan - from the...
The Jubilee Special [UK 2002]
4 Days Starring The Queen and everybody else in the British Empire
Phyco:
To celebrate our right royal regina’s 50 year stint on the big golden chair I crawled humble as a servant through the pork-pile looking for a 1977 retro-rooter with which to Rejoicus Rex for the old girl’s another-25-years special… but I couldn’t find anything we hadn’t already seen… so...
New Wave Hookers 6 [Hot Rod Blue]
120 Minutes Starring Ginger Lynn, Tina Tyler, Barrett Moore, Kylie ireland, Kiki D’Aire, Monique Demoan, Bridget powerz, Ryan Conner, Tyce Bune, Kyle Stone, Mickey G, Sean Michaels, Michael J. Cox, Cheyne Collins, Voodoo, Steve Hatcher, Pat Myne, napoleon, Chico Del Camarones and Sir Gregory Biggles
Phyco:
…y’know we were planning to do a Casper & Phyco’s “BURN...
Watchers [Hot Rod Blue]
88 Minutes Starring Katja kean, Sydnee Steele, Julie Meadows, Bridgett Kerkove, Tavalia Griffin, Shelbee Myne, Shay Sweet, Dillion Day, Randy Spears, Mr Marcus, Eric Masterson, Chris Cannon, pat Myne, Mike Horner, George Kaplan, Jim Enright and Evan Stone
Phyco:
I watched this on fast forward… found the first facial on the tape… dutifully spat the fat and then… well then I...
Dirty Teens 3 [BOOTLEG]
The “What if I like it transexual challenge” continues…
Casper: “I’ve just had one of those “can you guess if it’s a bird or a bloke” e-mails… bloody ‘ell… I only got two right… I was thinking “yeah I’d definately shag that”… and it was a fucking geezer!”
Phyco: “Relax man…...
EXCLUSIVE: THE PHIL McCAVITY INTERVIEW!
EXCLUSIVE! THE PHIL McCAVITY INTERVIEW YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!
After the diastrous Skinner & Baddiel interview… we thought “let’s talk to a proper porner”… and so we did…
C&P: “Ummm… Phil… what does it really smell like in the back of that fuck truck??” Phil McCavity: “Depends if Uncle Ernie has cleaned up last...
Goddess [Hot Rod Blue]
108 Minutes Starring Skylar Knight, Alexandra Nice, Adajia, Harmony Grant, Amber Michaels, Alex Foxe, Keri Windsor, Joey Ray, Mark Davis, Rob Scott, Evan Stone and Erik Everhard
Phyco:
Mmmmm… now what would Patrick Bateman make of all this? We asked Hot Rod Productions for this one when we were still in “American Psycho” mode [see “Adrenaline” in the archive] and...
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Nacho Vidal's Killer Pussy #4 [Hot Rod Raw]
111 Minutes Starring Christine, Silvia, Stella, Claudia, Estelle, Gabriella, Sharon, Anita, Zuza, Brigit, Zamaha Zamare, Frank Gun, Hacan Serbes and Nacho Vidal
Phyco:
A most interesting case… where do I begin?
Well… “Watch out Rocco!” screams the strap-line for a start… but what exactly should he be watching out for? Surely nobody’s suggesting that this...
Trucker [Hot Rod Raw]
105 Minutes Starring Kelly Trump, Anna-Maria, Denise, Anita, Diana, Susi, Ebina, Jors, Horst S, Titus Steel, Jens, Ricky Balboa, Manuel and Jacusa
Phyco:
… assuming that you too have sought to mute the perishing winds of this rain-drenched English March by chasing crumbled hash through an old crack-pipe - then you’ll be well disposed to get your laughing gear around this euro-core...
Anabolic Initiations 5 [Anabolic]
150 Minutes Starring Lacey Duvale, Kiri, Fawna, Claudia Adkins, Britany Baer, Heather Lynn, Kati Crown, Kristana Black, Sebastian, Mark Davis, Chris Cannon, Jules Jordan and Erik Everhard
Phyco:
…while all’s well in the house of Casper & Phyco we’ve had a few “technical problems” over the last 8 weeks - mostly owing to our knowing nothing whatsoever about the...
Adrenaline [Hot Rod Blue]
99 Minutes Starring Ava Vincent, Evan Stone, Jessica Drake, Julie meadows, Nicole London, Dillion Daqy, Alec Metro, Anthony Crane, Jack Palance, Harry Jacque, Danny Wallace, Jim Enright and Ric Rodney
Phyco:
*Sorry* for the delays of late… I’ll be quite honest… it’s “Anabolic Initiations”… In particular the concluding euro-belle who takes six cans of...
Whack Attack 8 [Hot Rod Raw]
180 Minutes Starring Raquel Moore, Suzanne Stone, Jewel De Nyle, Bridget Powerz, Claudia Atkins, Tom Byron etc.
Phyco:
This has got to be the rusty-jewel in the Hot Rod crown… what a superb tug-title! Tom Byron is really giving the Anabolic group a run for their cunny with this faultless ano-oral hard-set that’ll keep you as taught as Deidre Rasheed’s neck right from the...
Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle [Revolver]
120? Minutes Starring Obsession, Bronze, Kaire, India, Charlie Angel and Jade Marcella
Phyco:
Thought we’d put this mainstream naughty through the C&P mangle to see how much fun we could squeeze out of it… thanks to the Revolver Entertainments posse for dishing this promo out…
A hefty “DOGGYSTYLE” stickering campaign across London alerted us to the fact that...
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Initiations #4 [Anabolic]
140 Minutes Starring Skylar Knight, Jesse, Bailey, Cheyanne, Maxi Everson, Kylie Brooks, Dominica Leoni, Kacey, Rich, Jon Dough, Mickey G., Vince Vouyer, Erik Everhard and Lexington Steele.
Phyco:
“It takes a rare and special breed of slut to work for Anabolic!” declares the box cover - which we’ve placed a picture of above as usual even though our one looked different - so...
EXCLSUIVE: The CASPERIAN Special!
Your Teenage Wives Double Bill [Strand Productions] UK Girls “Housewives Gang” [Strand Productions] McCavity’s Classic Voyeurs Volume 1 [Devlin Media Group]
All 60ish Minutes Starring Haven’t got round to typing it yet
A Life of Grime Special: The Grime Files [BBC1 Television 21:30 27th nov 2001]
30 Minutes Starring the very voluptuous dregs of contemporary UK...
Jonni-Cam [A Him & Her Production]
60ish Minutes Starring Georgette, Tracy, Becky, Reece and Kevin
Phyco:
Well I knew it couldn’t last… fresh on the trail of the sweet Devlin smells that have besieged our offices over the last week or two, we blindly snatch at anything in our greedy need for more… fools only to ourselves… you’d have thought we’d have learnt our lessons by now, eh?
Sigh…...
“Ummmng - corrrrr - phwoooaaarrr - hng! - wrrrooorrwrror - cooorrr - phwoooo -...”
– Chris News - UK Girls
UK Girls [Strand Productions]
90ish Minutes Starring Kriss, Faith, Shannon +1, Yvette and “Ray”
Phyco:
Extraordinary. It’s filthy “Faith” up first, the gobbling grandma, and she’s got all the winks and waffle you’ll need to have your ribs in stitches within 3 minutes of switching on “C’mon - you can do it - get it going - you should be really wanking yourself by...
Rude Girls [Hot Rod Raw]
116 Minutes Starring Felecia, Stephanie Swift, Claudia, Brooke Ashley, Melesia Maleens, Monti, Teri Starr, Toni James, Tye, Alex Sanders, Julian St. Jox, J.J. Michaels, Steve Taylor and Valentino
Phyco:
Well, old Hot Rod Prod’s throw ‘em over thick ‘n fast - here’s another from the “Raw” shelf… Okay so it’s not going to change our lives, it’s...
SPECIAL "PHIL McCAVITY" UK XXX DOUBLE BILL!
Phil McCavity’s Fuck Truck 3 - Episodes 5&6 [Devlin Media Group]
70 Minutes Starring Christina & Jayne and the lads…
Phyco:
Now for me… this changes everything… Episode 5: an absolutely incontestibly fucking brilliant… errr… the most - get this - the most brain shatteringly maaaarvelous event of recent months in “Christinas” [aka...
Ben Dover's Dirty Blondes
130 Minutes Starring Jade & Jayney, Georgette Neale, Rebekah Jordan, Teri, Bob Scott, Pascal White and Steve Perry
Phyco:
In a desperate bid to quash the prophecised “studio” uprising before it takes a hold we conspire to run a Ben Dover season… get some grit back in the house before it’s too late, and celebrate the Great British porner a bit before we face him at the...
Shameless Desires [Hot Rod Blue]
114 Minutes Starring Jill Kelly, Asia Carrera, Raylene, Nici Sterling, Missy, Felecia, Mila, Vivienne, Tom Byron, Vince Voyeur, Jake Steed, Eric Price and Billy Glide
Phyco:
Well well well… an enexpected treat from the Hot Rod Blue range of HQ hardcore, a line designed to compliment the Raw series of [dubious] gonzo sets… it’s the usual high-end package from the Hot Rod mob...
North Pole 16 [Hot Rod Raw]
94 Minutes Starring Peter North, Joey Ray, Lea Di Mae, “Gauge”[?!], Vanda, Dominica Leoni, Aurora Snow and Lee Stone
Phyco:
This one presents us with an odd predicament… you may of heard of Peter North… “The Decorator”, famed for his incredible exploding coconuts delivering pints of yolk in his famously loaded slop shots… one of the most respected,...
All our porn is belong to you... HERE! →
EXCLUSIVE Tera Patrick Interview + Island Fever...
A PORN REVIEW EXCLUSIVE!
TERA PATRICK GOES POSH… A SPECIAL FEATURE
Behold Casper & Phyco’s customised, highly intrusive, fact finding, hard line journalism strategy as it takes up it’s cause with porn’s prize princess Tera Patrick in this jaw-jarring special… Reap it…
Casper & Phyco:
What do you think of when we say “English porn”?
...
Elbow Grease "Hot" [From Spankie.com]
4oz Starring Menthol, Grease, Oil and Balm as well as Nonoxynol-9.
Phyco:
Thought that we’d throw in a review of this “Tasteless, odorless oil-based lubricant designed for masturbation” as a thinly veiled attempt at opening up commercial opportunities through the site… here go’s…
Treat yourself to a fancy wet tug! spoil yourself with a big-budget luxury...
“To truly know a man… one must observe him masturbating”
– Phyco - The Porn Review
The Porn Review OFFICIAL website... →